Understand First Before You Start Relating

Photo by Resource Database on Unsplash

We operate using cognitive processes to acquire, store, and apply knowledge. I wrote an article some time back on this: Cognitive Bias. This is kind of an extension of that.

Let me start by asking this, 

When was the last time you presented or discussed a new idea with someone? Try to recall those moments, and you will be able to relate to this easily.

When you hear something new, most of us listen to that for the first few seconds, then we start relating it to what we already know. This is called cognitive bias. This is how humans work, and this is also the reason why it’s hard to make people listen to your ideas and make them conceive it in the way you want to.

Imagine someone came up with a new idea, and he started saying,

I have an idea for changing how our stores understand and sell products

Before he finishes, you will start relating towards what you know,

  • Mm, we have already tried something similar for store training”
  • Ah! This is CDP”
  • “This is like the other project we did”
  • “I know where this is going.”

Now you are no longer listening to the idea. You are listening to your interpretations of their idea.

Research shows that people settle on an interpretation too early and then process subsequent information through that initial interpretation. 

While you are wandering and relating around your interpretation, he said:

“ This is not for training; it’s neither a CDP. But….

Now you realize:

Ah… this isn’t really a training app or a CDP,” you started narrowing down, but still trying to relate and listen.

In Zen philosophy, this is called “Beginner’s mind” and “Expert’s mind.” The expert has narrowed possibilities based on what they already know, whereas the beginner will listen to it with no relations and will end up having multiple possibilities. 

The crux of this is that when you are ideating or listening to a new idea, listen without preconceptions and observe what is happening before acting.

In summary

“ Listen to understand and not relate”.

This means, when you are listening, don’t try to map a new idea to something you already know. First try to understand the idea/concept on its own terms, ie listen without relating. Then, and only then, connect it to what you know or can relate to. This is very easy to say but not very easy to practice. So, how can you practice this philosophy? 

I have figured out a five-step mental model

  1. Receive:

When you are listening to new ideas or concepts, tell yourself, “I am going to listen and receive the information”. Our minds won’t listen that easily. It will start relating to things you know, and it will start moving very fast, but you have to constantly push yourself to listen. This will be the hardest step.

2. Explore 

 This is where you are questioning yourself, “What do I not understand from him or her ?” This is the opposite of what I understand, which is easy to think of. If you do that, you will fall into the trap of relating things

3. Understand

Now start thinking: “Have I seen something like this before? If so, how would I describe this?” Here, you are not relating but only trying to explain the same idea in your own way.

4. Relate

Now that you understand, try to relate and see if this is something which you can relate to.

5. Evaluate

Is this idea genuinely different? Or something that already exists.

This mental model gives you the benefit of listening to new ideas without allowing them to prematurely relate to something you know. ie listening to understand and not to respond or relate”

So “Don’t recognise too early; rather understand first.”

All the best, guys!