We have a natural tendency to be proud of our achievements and share our positive results with others. But when it comes to failure, we usually attribute it to the external factors: the system, the bank, the teacher, the school, the country, etc.
It’s easier to find mistakes and blames others because of the Ego. Ego is a self-defense mechanism that prevents us from admitting mistakes.
Freud’s personality theory (1923) saw the psyche structured into three parts (i.e., tripartite) the id, ego, and superego all developing at different stages in our lives.
According to him ‘ego is that part of the ID which has been modified by the direct influence of the external world.’
The ego operates according to the reality principle, working out realistic ways of satisfying the ID’s demands, often compromising or postponing satisfaction to avoid negative consequences of society.
The ego considers social realities and norms, etiquette, and rules in deciding how to behave.
The ego has no concept of right or wrong. Often the ego is weak relative to the headstrong ID, and the best the ego can do is stay on, pointing the ID in the right direction and claiming some credit at the end as if the action were it’s own.
Freud’s theory of ID, Ego, and Superego its self is a separate topic in itself. So let’s focus on Blame which is part of the ego.
If we plot the blame game in a scale then it is going to look like this
On the extreme Blame side of our scale would be people who can always find something else to blame
At the other end of the spectrum are people who blame themselves for everything. There can be many reasons for this
He/she don’t want to confront with others, The self-esteem is low, The situations in their life would have made them like this and many more
There are even times we blame fate or a higher power, especially when there’s no one else who could conceivably have caused the outcome
To be in the middle of this scale and balanced life is not that easy.
Let’s have a look at ” Why we blame others”
- It’s an excellent defensive mechanism
- Blame is a tool for attack
- When we are not good at finding the cause of other peoples behavior
- Easier to blame someone else than accepting the responsibility
Why would we bother doing all that tricky self-analysis and taking steps to fix a situation if we can just take the blame off our own shoulders and place it down on someone or something else?
5. People lie
You may figure that no one will know it was really you who spilled coffee all over the break room, so you just blame someone else who’s not there (and hope that person never finds out).
6. To protect your ego
Now we know on a high level why people blame. What will happen when we actively engage in the Blame game
Your personal growth :
Your personal growth will be hindered, blame is a defense game, and the more you play this game it becomes a part of you. You will stop learning and will shut yourself in a cocoon.
You are actually not powerful:
If everything is everyone else fault then that means you don’t have the power to change that or you are not using your power wisely.
You will become less empathetic
If you blame to avoid the consequences or accountability, then you are not feeling for others. Which makes your relationships weaker.
Blame is contagious
If you blame people around you then they will blame you and others in the groups. This will lead to a team without any trust and you won’t be able to drive results.
Unlike other games, the more often you play the blame game, the more you lose. So before you start the game beware that you are going to enter a game that you will never win and will drain all your energy and personality out from you.